


The Grand Plan

by Vaeyana



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Humor, James Potter's Dating Service, Marauders' Era
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-02
Updated: 2016-01-02
Packaged: 2018-05-11 04:50:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5614582
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vaeyana/pseuds/Vaeyana
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus knows he's in for trouble when James announces he has yet another of his infamous 'Grand Plans'. </p>
<p>Things look worse when James enlists Sirius' help.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Which James has a Grand Plan

"Boys", James announced as he sat down at the Gryffindor breakfast table, six weeks into their sixth year. "I have a Grand Plan".

"Good Lord" muttered Remus, taking a fortifying sip of coffee. He had a terrifying feeling he’d need it. Every one of James's 'Grand Plans' seemed to end in chaos, with Remus, the ever responsible prefect, being the one who had to bail everyone out of whatever trouble James (aided and abetted by his fellow Marauders) had inevitably landed them in.

"Does it involve Lily?" asked Peter, warily, suddenly fidgeting with the tightly wrapped bandages around the fingers of his left hand, an unfortunate casualty of a recent Lily-induced scheme. 

“Er, no actually. It doesn't", answered James, sounding quite surprised himself. Shaking himself slightly, he continued. "I've been thinking—”

A familiar snort sounded behind him, causing James to jump in his seat, knees clipping the table.

”Really? Well, don’t over-exert yourself Potter, you might strain something,” Lily sneered, as she walked past with her friends. They all giggled at James's affronted expression, before sitting at the far end of the table.

"Well", James spluttered. "Well, Evans, maybe if you—"

"Prongs mate, let it go." interrupted Sirius, stopping James from continuing what would no doubt become yet another infamous Potter/Evans showdown.

Normally Sirius would be the first to encourage their fights, which had become a source of entertainment for the rest of the school, with a particularly competitive pool circling all four houses (and, more quietly, the staffroom), around who would emerge victorious. However, like Peter, Sirus was also bearing the - in his case figurative - scars of their last argument, which had somehow ended with Sirius being accidentally transfigured into a peacock. While he had been almost completely put right by the school nurse, he had still retained vivid blue hair and a peacock's raucous squawk for the next few days, letting out shrieks at very inopportune moments. The rest of the school body had yet to let him live it down.

James sighed and turned back to his friends, rubbing his throbbing knees. “Yes, well", he began again, trying to remember what he'd been saying. "Oh! Yes, I've been thinking. It's time", he said dramatically, drawing himself up and pausing for effect. ”that we find Remus a girl!"

Remus choked, spraying Sirius, opposite him, with pumpkin juice.

"I mean", continued James, ignoring Remus's cries of protest, and Sirius' spluttering, as he swept his now sopping hair to the side, "Sirius has got what's-her-name from Ravenclaw…"

"No he doesn't", interrupted Peter. "That was last week, it's what's-her-face from Hufflepuff now."

"Exactly my point!" James exclaimed, stabbing a finger at Peter in triumph. Peter swerved to avoid losing an eye. ”He doesn't have any problems with girls." He carried on, "…and I've got Lily…”

"You haven't got Lily, mate," laughed Sirius, mopping at the front of his shirt with a serviette. "Or did you miss that a few minutes ago?"

James threw him a disgruntled look. "You know what I mean."

"I don't," piped Peter. His comment was ignored by the others.

"And Peter…well, we'll worry about Peter later, shall we?"

"Look," Remus interrupted, before James could get any more carried away, "I'm fine, okay? I really don't need any help, especially when it's part of one of your 'Grand Plans’."  
"Ah! That's where you're wrong, my friend. You've had no girlfriend that we've known about and you're sixteen! It's our duty, as friends, to save you from an otherwise inevitable Snape-fate!"

"A what now?" Sirius asked, curiosity plastered on his face with the remaining pumpkin juice.

"Still living at home with your mother when you're 40."

Sirius and Peter snickered appreciatively, while Remus still looked apprehensive.

"So you see why you need our help!"

"Wait…our?" interjected Sirius.

"Yes, of course, Padfoot. We couldn't possibly doom Moony to that life!"

"No…" Sirius said slowly, liking the idea more and more. "No, we couldn't possibly!"

He turned to look at James, both cracking identical, evil grins. They both turned back to look at Remus, who cringed noticeably under their joint gaze.

"So it's settled. Sirius and I will take it upon ourselves to help and teach you!”


	2. In Which The Marauders Spy On Students of the Female Persuasion

“What about her?” Sirius whispered, rather loudly.

“Nah, she’s a nutter. Won’t eat certain vegetables, because she thinks they have ‘feelings’.” James replied, rolling his eyes.

“Yeah, but still...she’s bloody fit! Doesn’t that trump craziness? Avoiding veggies when you’re out on a date seems like a more than fair sacrifice.”

Remus closed his eyes and let out an exasperated huff at his friends’ antics, as they debated the merits of crazy vs attractiveness.

It was the day after James had made his announcement. The four boys were crouched at the top of the main staircase, peering through the bannisters at the crowd—or more specifically, girls—that milled in the Entrance Hall below before dinner. The four made quite an interesting spectacle, with many passers-by giving them odd looks. James and Sirius were lying flat on their stomachs, with Peter kneeling awkwardly behind them, all intently gazing below. James, fervently supported by Sirius, had lobbied for all-black outfits, preferably with balaclavas, for “surveillance purposes”. Remus had quickly squashed that train of thought by declaring that “We’re not bloody ninjas James! And isn’t the whole alleged point of this—though I still fail to see the point of this entire thing—to remain inconspicuous?” Grudgingly, James and Sirius had agreed that yes, perhaps four people in black running around the castle with stockings over their heads would stand out a bit.

Unfortunately, Remus had been unable to similarly convince the others to completely forgo the ‘Grand Plan’ in its entirety, and so now found himself sitting against the wall, as far from his ‘friends’ as possible and fervently hoping that no one would notice him.

He let out a sigh, head falling back and thudding against the stone. This was getting, quite frankly, ridiculous. He’d been sitting up here, slowly freezing on the draughty staircase for the better part of an hour, rather than being in the Great Hall eating a hot meal with all the other sane people. “Can we go now?” he asked.

“Shhh,” hushed James, without turning around. “Oh, what about her?”

“Taken,” answered Peter, with a shudder. “I walked in on them a few days ago in an empty classroom.”

James airily brushed aside this particular fact. “Anything could have happened in a few days.”

“Yeah, but he wouldn’t want to be some bird’s rebound,” Sirius said, with a sage nod, apparently drawing from his wealth of expertise on the subject.

Remus physically restrained himself from saying that actually, he didn’t necessarily want any girl, regardless of whether she was on the rebound or not, and settled for glancing at his watch and banging his head against the wall again for good measure. He had an inkling he’d be ignored anyway.

“You never seem to see that as a problem.”

“Yeah, but this is Moony we’re talking about. For him, it’d be demeaning. For me, it’s like every girl’s my rebound!”

“True.”

Remus’s brow wrinkled as he tried to understand Sirius’ logic, before giving up.

“I am here, you know,” he said from his corner, eyes fixed on the ceiling. He wished he’d brought a book, or something. If he couldn’t eat, the least he could do was get started on his Transfiguration homework. Instead, he went over the ingredients for a Calming Draught in his head. He suspected he’d need one, once this entire debacle was over.  
The boys’ observations went on for another quarter of an hour, until their own hunger got the best of them. Remus was quite surprised they’d managed to last this long without food. Scrambling to his feet, he trotted down the stairs behind the others.

Once their plates were piled high with mashed potatoes, roast chicken and gravy, and Remus could once against feel the tips of his toes, the conversation, to his horror, turned back to the plan.

“Well,” sighed Sirius, setting down his goblet. “I could always introduce you to one of the girls I’ve—”

“Hell no!” Remus interrupted, gesturing with a chicken leg for emphasis. “I am not going anywhere you’ve been, thank you very much! I have my pride.”

“Well,” said James, who’d looked like he was seriously considering Sirius’ offer. “There goes that idea.”

“Look, you’ve got to stop being so close-minded. We’re only trying to give you a hand here!” 

Remus rolled his eyes at Sirius. “I know that, and I appreciate your concern, but you just don’t seem to get that I’ve got enough on my plate without having to worry about a girlfriend as well, like—” his eyes opened wide, and he frantically looked at his watch. “Like a Runes project! Damn, I’m supposed to be meeting Evelyn in fifteen minutes!” he cried, oblivious to the way the other boys’ eyebrows had shot up. He turned back to his meal and began shovelling food down. 

“Of course, I’m such an idiot!” said James. “Evelyn!"

Remus completely agreed with James’ assertion that he was an idiot, but he wasn’t too sure how Evelyn tied into things. “Wha’ abou’ ‘er?” he asked, around a mouthful of potato. “Well, she’s a girl and, even better, she’s your friend. And obviously you have common interests; no one does bloody Runes if they don’t like it!”

Remus finally caught up with where James was going, and burst out laughing. “Oh no! We’re just friends, trust me. And I think her boyfriend would have something to say if you even tried - Gavin Roberts, the seventh-year from Ravenclaw? Beater?”

Sirius huffed. "A cheating bloody scumbag, then. Not much of a threat, is he?"

"Hear, hear!" toasted James, sharing Sirius' opinion of the previous year's Quidditch Grand Final, a game Ravenclaw had only won, according to James and Sirius, through brazen cheating and a complete lack of sportsmanship.

"Looked great in red and gold though," Peter said, smirking at the memory of the prank pulled on the entire Ravenclaw team at the game's presentation ceremony.

Remus rolled his eyes as he swung his book bag over his shoulder. "I really do think it's time you moved on from that - they're a good team. And as far as Evelyn and Roberts are considered, they’ve been dating since last year. I think it’s pretty serious, actually.

James slumped in his chair. “Damn it, Moony! You’re not exactly making this easy for us!”

“I sincerely apologise for ever giving you the impression I was trying to make things easy for you.” Remus leapt to his feet, downing the rest of his pumpkin juice. “I’ve got to go, I’m incredibly late. I’ll see you guys later in the common room, yeah?” 

Peter gave a small wave, as James and Sirius nodded and turned back to each other, all plans for Remus' love life forgotten in favour of further denigration of Ravenclaw's game tactics. Sparing another glance at his watch, Remus ran from the Hall.


	3. In Which Arguments Are Had, and Runes Are Studied.

Evelyn Barrow sat in a quiet corner of the library, Spellman's Syllabary lying open before her. Various other Runes texts were spread across the well-worn desk. The books were ignored though, as she frowned at the retreating back of her boyfriend. 

“I’ll come by and pick you up later, yeah?” he had said, as he left for his own study group.

“Honestly, Gavin, it’s fine. Gryffindor Tower’s a little out of the way for you, and I’m perfectly capable of walking back to the common room on my own.”

“I know, Evie, I know, it’s just—. Well. You’re sure he’s - you’re alright?” 

She sighed, finally seeing what Gavin had been anxiously fumbling about. His irritation with her troublemaking housemates was tiresome, if not entirely misplaced. He had, after all, been forced to accept the hard-earned Quidditch Cup (which even Evelyn, as a Gryffindor, could concede they’d won, fair and square) alongside the rest of his team, wearing blue uniforms which clashed horribly with their red and gold candy-striped skin. It’d somewhat dampened their celebrations. But why he though that Remus, of all people, posed any sort of threat on his own was beyond her, and she said as much. 

“Lupin’s alright - certainly better than the others, I’ll grant you, but he’s still friends with them, going along with whatever ridiculous schemes they decide to get up to, so you’ll understand if I don’t take your word for it” His eyes furtively darted around the shelves, as if he expected her Runes partner to emerge at any second, ready to assail them with a one-man version of the Marauder’s latest high-jinks.

She had huffed. “Fine!” She replied, through clenched teeth. “But I hope you realise just how ridiculous you’re being. I’m in their House, it’s highly unlikely they’d try anything with me - and certainly not Remus.”

Gavin continued to puff indignantly up before her, as he warmed to his subject, and plowed determinedly on. “You’re still dating me, and after last year, I doubt they’re going to hold back when it comes to the Cup. Merlin, they get away with bloody murder! It’s sickening, how everyone just fawns over them, and don’t get me started on—”

Evelyn thrust a hand out, cutting him off mid-sentence. “Gavin. I appreciate your concern. But none is going to do anything to me to try and - I don’t know - put you off your game, if that’s what you think is going on. Besides —” she grinned, with a sudden flash of teeth, “any little prank they tried on me? I’d return it in spades!”

Gavin visibly deflated, smiling despite himself. “Of that,” he said, leaning in and pressing a quick, apologetic kiss to her cheek, “I have absolutely no doubt.” He pulled back, holding her by gently by her shoulders. “I’m sorry - it’s just - I would hate for anything to happen to you, because of me. I’m Captain now, too - I’m an obvious target.”

“I know - I do. But I’ll be fine.” She smiled again. “Meet you tomorrow after dinner? I know we haven’t been able to spend as much time together since summer finished.”

Gavin stepped away, picking up his bag. “Sorry - Quidditch practice. Got to make the final year count, you know? But the weekend?”

Evelyn nodded, smile fading, and sat back down behind the desk. “Sure - night then.”

Gavin grinned, and was gone.

Evelyn sighed, head falling back against the chair. This resentment of the Marauders, combined with her friendship with one of them was the only thing Gavin and she had been unable to completely agree upon. She shouldn’t let one thing detract from their relationship - with their shared love of history, dreams of travel and from the fact that he likes her, a lot. For the first time, someone actually saw her, and not her more outgoing friends. The fact was, she was pretty bloody sick of always mooning over the unattainable, and letting her teenage years slip by, which was why, when her friends starting giggling to her about the handsome Ravenclaw’s apparent interest in her, followed by his invitation to Hogsmeade a week later, she accepted. She supposed for now she’d just have to wait until the memory of the Cup was less … raw.

She pulled another textbook towards her, pushing her ash-blonde hair behind her ear as it fell across her face. She was halfway through a particularly fiddly bit of translation when the whole table shook with the sudden addition of a towering pile of books. She looked up, pulling her quill from her mouth, where she had begun to worry it between her teeth. 

“So sorry I’m late! My friends were being idiots and I’m afraid I was a little side-tracked.” Remus panted, looking a little worse for wear, with his shirt untucked and rumpled. He pushed his dishevelled hair away from his face with one hand, while the other desperately tried to re-organise his books. “Not that I’m trying to blame them, or anything,” he added, hastily, “it’s just that, well, I was a little distracted, when I know I should have been paying closer attention to the time—” He broke off, looking at her apologetically.

“It’s quite alright. I haven’t been here too long myself”, she said, leaning forward to help him replace the texts back into their precarious stack.

“Great!” He flashed her a quick grin, before sitting down.

“Keen to get stuck right in, though, if that’s alright with you? It’d be good to get a good head-start on this project of ours.”

Remus nodded. “Sounds good to me! I was actually thinking, perhaps we could look at how Runes can be applied to the potions field, since it’s another subject we’re both interested in...”

***

Two hours later, Remus and Evelyn lay slumped over their desk, parchments covered in elaborate runic designs strewn around them. Raising her weary head, Evelyn gazed blearily across the desk. “I think we’ve done as much as we can for now,” she said, massaging at her temples, where a throbbing headache raged. “How about we leave it as is, and meet up same time next week?”

“Thank God” Remus groaned. “I love Runes, I really do, but this is just brutal! Trust us to pick such a complex topic.”

Evelyn laughed, as she began stacking the Runes books to return to the shelves. “Very true.” Pulling her Syllabary towards her, she added teasingly, “I’d better let you get back to your friends, anyway. Who know what sort of schemes they’re coming up with now, without your calming influence?”

“Honesty, I’d rather not. You wouldn’t believe what James’ come up with this time!”

Evelyn’s cocked eyebrow prompted him to elaborate. “It’s ridiculous, as most of his plans are, of course, but he’s taken it upon himself to er...well, find me a girlfriend.” He went on to outline the “Grand Plan”, looking increasingly embarrassed as he did.

Evelyn’s eyes widened, before she broke into raucous laughter. Remus, looking thoroughly disgruntled, leant forward to shush her, looking around for the stern librarian, who had a habit of swooping down on unsuspecting students he felt were disturbing the sacred peace of the library.

“Thank you,” he said dryly, a small hint of a smile belying his words. “It’s so nice to know I have such supportive friends.”

She continued to laugh at her friend’s expense. “I’m sorry, Remus, I really am, it’s just...it’s completely absurd! Surely they know you’re perfectly capable of finding a girlfriend for yourself, if you were interested? Knowing how James and Sirius carry on, they’ll be lucky if they don’t end up in front of McGonagall for looking like stalkers or something. ” She chuckled again. “Oh thank you, Remus! I think I needed a laugh.” Her expression sobered, and she paused, looking down and fiddling with a quill, unsure of whether she should elaborate. 

Remus leant forward, making an aborted move to reach for her hand. Now it hovered somewhat awkwardly between them. “Did—did you want to, er, talk about it?” he asked, tentatively.

She worried at her quill between her teeth, before offering, “I — Gavin and I had a bit of a disagreement earlier, that’s all. But we worked it out.” 

“Ah - well, I’m glad to hear it. He seems a nice bloke - don’t know him that well, of course, but you seem pretty gone on him, which I’ll take as confirmation enough!”

She huffed a laugh. “Yeah, something like that. 

“Right, I’d better be off then. Got to face whatever’s next in James’ plan. You heading back to the Common Room?” Remus stuffed the last quill in his pocket, before rising to his feet. 

“I think I’ll stay a little longer. Maybe draft out my Charms essay. You’re going to go through with this plan then?” 

He snorted. “Doesn’t look like I have much of a choice. I’ll never hear the end of it! I’d rather just play along and prove them wrong while I do.”

“Well, be sure to keep me posted! I wait with bated breath for the next instalment in the saga that is Remus Lupin’s Enforced Romance.”

Remus shot her a mock glare, shaking his head, before grinning and raising his hand in farewell. “I’ll see you in class Wednesday, then? Night!”

“Night, Remus!” Evelyn called after him. Her eyes followed him out of the library, before she pulled a fresh piece of parchment towards her. Charms wouldn’t write itself.

**Author's Note:**

> I began this story when I was 17. As my first attempt at fanfiction, or indeed a multi-chapter story, I'm afraid I was a little over-ambitious. My bad. As a result, it has been on hiatus on various platforms for several years. Now, almost 10 years later, I've had quite a few requests from people who'd re-discovered it, asking if I'll ever finish it. So as a New Year's resolution - I promise to try. 
> 
> I can't promise it'll be my best work - it's being completed from my notes and content written years ago, and it's a little too late to change the entire plot trajectory now - but I'll do what I can! I can however promise as much of an edit, including some new content, of previously posted chapters, to try and improve the overall quality as much as possible. 
> 
> Thank you to everyone for your support and feedback since I first posted this story - without it, I would never have thought to complete it!
> 
> Vae xx


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